Ok, so we have been driving the old beater car for about a week. My brakes are terrible and I have just been trying to wait until I could get them replaced. The beater car has problems; it has gotten where it overheats and goes through oil like crazy.
This morning while driving Anna to school the car overheated the worst it ever has. I got to the exit I needed to and the car died. I was able to coast around the corner and just let it die. There was smoke coming out from under the hood.
We parked it on the side of the road and walked about two miles or so school. Anna called Leah and Matt came to get me. I had to drive my car the rest of the day. I finally got it to the guy who is replacing the brakes for me.
After school Anna, Adam, and Adam's mom went to get the beater car. It started for about one second, then died. Anna said when they opened the hood the radiator cap was melted, the line where the coolant goes into the radiator was melted. So I am fairly certain the car is totally dead. It is sitting in Adam's driveway.
Leah and Matt had to run all around town today taking us and getting everyone where they needed to be. Tomorrow morning Matt has to have me to work before six. I bought dinner for everyone tonight and put gas in their car.
A song has gone through my mind today; "gloom, dispair and agony on me. If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Gloom, dispair, and agony on me." Yeah....the story of my life.
Nathan did call me yesterday. It was good to talk to him. He is a little homesick. He called again today. My cell phone battery was dead, so I didn't have a chance to talk to him until this evening. He gave me a hard time about not answering my phone. I miss him. I think he is finally figuring out that life is what it is and that it is ok to be sad, but it is also ok to move forward.
It is so hard to believe this weekend is Memorial Day. I keep trying to figure out where six months have gone. It seems impossible that so much time has flown by.
I went to court today. I plead not guilty, will be getting a letter in the mail in a few days to meet with the prosecuting attorney and he decides what will happen. The bad thing is today when we got home from alllllll our running the dogs had gotten out a bedroom window. So the stupid neighbor who started all of this went by on his four wheeler. Our dogs ran after him, he yelled at them to go home and they turned around and came home. Leah, Anna, Matt, and I were all outside when the neighbor went by trying to get the dogs to come home. So he can't say they attacked him. We were watching. But I am almost certain the attorney will make me put one or both of them down.
I got a letter in the mail today from the hospice agency which took care of Steffen. They are offering a free eight week class about grieving. I really want to go and Leah wants to go too. But the class starts at 5:30. Leah doesn't get out of class until five, then we have a thirty minute drive. I am calling tomorrow to ask how big of a deal it would be to be late. It would be good to go. We are doing ok, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to other people.
Today life is good. Ok, so both of my cars are dead, my dogs chased the stupid neighbor, my married kids are making me crazy, my teenager is back to saying WHATEVER is on her mind, my son is a little homesick, my other son is out with friends and my house looks like a war zone. But life is good. The kids laughed today, some worked, some went to school and we had fun being together as a family. So there is much to be so grateful for.
I have been praying hard. I can see the Lord is opening doors, working mini miracles in our lives, just guiding us. I am learning that Steffen is with us more than we would ever guess. He has brought peace, comfort and joy. He is watching over us, out for us and doing whatever he can for us. I miss him everyday. But I also am learning that this strange world I have landed in is the new "norm" for me. I don't like it much. I want the old "norm" back. But somehow I will learn to navigate through these waters and come out the other side.
These are the words to another song from the funeral: "He lives to grant me rich supply. He lives to guide me with his eye. He lives to comfort me when faint. He lives to hear my soul's complaint. He lives to silence all my fears. He lives to wipe away my tears. He lives to calm my troubled heart. He lives all blessings to impart."
I love you 11....................
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