Finally Friday

Idon't know who is reading this or how often. I have debated what to write. Mostly just what is happening with us. But it keeps crossing my mind to tell "you", whomever "you" might be a few things that happened during the last few months Steffen was with us.

The picture of Steffen which is on this page was taken at the end of October. Steffen had been on me for YEARS to have family pictures taken. I kept telling him I know what I look like why does it need to be put on film?! So finally he wore me down and it was time.

The pictures were taken on a Sunday afternoon. Steffen had been out of the hospital for just about 3-4 days. It was the last time he was hospitalized, so we knew that we were living on a short time frame.

He didn't feel well that day, had spent most of the day in bed. My friend took the pictures. When it got time to get ready I told him that I wouild be glad to call Mary. She would understand and it would not be a problem to take them another day. Steffen said no, we HAD to do the pictures that day.

We went to town, the pictures were taken in front of a barn near the railroad tracks. There happened to be an old chair in the yard there. Whenever Steffen wasn't in a photo he was sitting in that chair. Those photos are a treasure I will be forever grateful for. I am so glad we did them that day. Another wouldn't have worked.

I had the photos on a disc, David asked to take the disc to work to print off a few photos. He lost the disc. Who knows where it might be, what he did or how it got lost???? So the few I have printed off are really a treasure to me.

The night before last I had a dream of Steffen. In it I actually saw him. He was standing in the aisle at KMart; so I didn't know there is a KMart in heaven, but there must be!!!! While I have felt him around me I haven't ever actually seen him.

Tonight Anna and I were out for a little while. We saw one of David's teachers. She asked how we are doing. I don't know what to say other than some days are better than others. Anna told me tonight she wanted to hear his voice again. So do I, so do I.

I cry everyday. Sometimes for a long time, sometimes for just a few minutes, but still everyday. It always catches me by surprise. I keep thinking that at some point I won't need to cry I have no idea when that might be, but hopefully someday.

The stupid dogs have been out running. Tucker looks like he got in a fight with a cockle burr bush and lost I think I am going to have to have him shaved completely. Charlie smells like he fought with a skunk and nearly lost. I hate dogs.