This Week

Well, this week started hard. Leah wanted to make fudge sauce. I mentioned that I had Grandma Ritchie's recipe in Steffen's recipe box. I went to get the box down from the cupboard and broke down. Nathan had to take the box, the few recipes out of my hand and try to comfort me all in one swipe.

Anna and I drove through the cemetery tonight. The snow is gone. It is easier to get to his place. We are going over on Sunday to move all the flowers which have been there since the funeral and put new flowers there. It will be our one "thing" before Nathan leaves.

I honestly had no idea that Steffen leaving us would hurt this much. After everything we had been through I really expected it to be a relief of some sort. But here I am......so unable to believe he is gone. It does not seem possible.

I wonder how long it takes to heal. I mean, how long until the hurt goes away? How long until there is not the scab which is torn off or sometimes ripped off so badly it hurts? I have no idea, but I sometimes wish it would happen sooner rather than later.

I am finding out that moving on isn't always easy. Even though life has to go on it sometimes just doesn't seem fair.