DNLA

FINALLY after what seems like forever, I am a creative student.  Simply put, I am on the downhill slope of 2000 hours required to get a cosmetology license in Idaho.  HURRAY!!!!  A sweet moment, but one filled with uncertainty of what I'm suppose to be doing, learning, what the plan might be after school.  I can only pray things will be revealed to me as time moves along.

Tonight were area games for Special Olympics.  David's team was divided into two teams, then played one other team.  Because everyone did well both teams got first place ribbons.  It was cold out, the wind was blowing, completely a fall evening.  So soccer is over, in a few weeks bowling begins. 

As usual ideas float through my mind, but I can't quite put a handle on what I need to say today.  Shocking, I know, I'm at a loss for words???

Actually these things have been floating through my mind for a few days.  So here we go, it is for my children. I love them more than I have words to tell you.  I am so grateful for them, to see who they are becoming, what makes them tick, what drives them to "be". 

David: my sweet, kind, brown eyed boy.  I was never one of those girls who went crazy over babies, at least not until you entered my life.  I couldn't have been more crazy over a baby boy.  You arrived early one summer morning with a thud and a crash.  When I finally held you in my arms it was love.  You were mine and my heart was yours.  Never once have you complained about life.  You loved school, worked hard, wanted more, loved sports, have never met a stranger, will do what you can for whomever you can.  My sweet boy I cannot tell you how proud I am.  You work so hard for our family.  You took Dad's teaching of the "five dollar job" to the test.  Your stories about work, your friends, and sports make me smile.  I love how you love Special Olympics, how you want people to know about the program, how you want to help those around you do more, be better.  I love you, I am so grateful to be your mother and that I can call you son.

Nathan: my sweet, second brown eyed son.  I didn't think it would be possible to love another child as much as the first.  Someone told me as children come to your family love expands.  That is certainly true.  I felt victory the night you arrived.  I did have to argue a bit with nurses who believed you arrived March 1st and not February 29th.  But you did arrive minutes before Leap Day ended.   When you were a baby I always figured it would be you shoving David out of the way to greet the world, David hanging around in the background.  Little did I know it would be you who was a little shy, a little uncertain of the world.  I know things are so unsettled in your mind.  I know.....but know that I love you.  You can do it.  Whatever "it" is in your life you can do.  I have no doubt.  Listen to the voices around you who can guide you, help you move towards goodness.  Thank you for taking your role in our family seriously.  I know it isn't easy.  Nathan, know that your dad is watching over you.  He wants to do what he can.  There is beauty, truth, goodness in the world.  Seek those things.  You will find peace there.

LeahRee: my beautiful daughter.  Your brothers could not say your name, so you were called "LeahRee" which has stuck.  It seems I haven't called you that much lately.  Maybe I should.  In my dreams "Leah" looked just like David.  So much for that.  There couldn't be two children who look different.  Sometimes I see Grandma Pat, sometimes Grandma Ritchie.  You must be a good blend of them both.  When you arrived I felt such joy.  I wanted a girl so much.  Grandma Pat teased me that if another boy arrived I wasn't to call her.  She screamed when I told her you had arrived.  You arrived with a mind of your own, a strong will, red hair, gray/blue eyes and determination.  You loved babies in any form.  Climbed in the crib when your sister arrived, loved to wear dresses until you went to school, hated every minute of school and didn't want to learn to play piano.  You have loved and lost, have trusted and not, have believed and questioned.  There isn't any harm in most of that.  I cannot heal the emptiness in your heart.  I cannot make what's wrong right.  Hang on tight.  There is so much in store for you, you have so much to give.  Keep giving.  Keep believing, learn to trust, love again.  You are a precious daughter, I love you.

AnnaGail: my beautiful youngest daughter.  I always knew I would have "Anna" in my family.  My grandma died when I was about 10 weeks old.  My entire life I have felt "connected" to her.  We decided to give you two of your great-grandmothers names.  When I called my grandma to tell her you had arrived, she told me that maybe someone would remember her.  You arrived just one year "off", you remind me often.  Our only true Idaho baby.  You came with sweetness.  I think you knew you were the youngest and that your sister would just about drag you around the room to get her hands on you.   Your directness, sense of self, certainty of right and wrong I admire.  I often wish I was more like you.  You were given the "family" talents.  Music, drawing, design, color, light.   Yep, you got the genes.  Listen more, talk less, love often, trust, defend truth, give of yourself.   I look forward to the woman you will become.  I wish for you all that you want for yourself.  I love you more than I have words to tell you.  Keep smiling.

I always will be grateful to be a mother.  I was blessed with four beautiful children who have made laugh, made me cry and sometimes just made me crazy.  I guess there are worse things.