Leah and Matthew

It has been just over a year since Leah and Matt started dating. WOW!!! What a year brings. They left today for Memphis;the adventure which will be theirs in a new place. This post today is for them, so forgive me if it seems personal. It is I have so much I need to say.

Matt is five years and a few months older than Leah. Probably in the large scheme of things it isn't too big a deal (like when he is 112 and she is 107). But sometimes right now it is a big deal. When they first started dating I reminded him regularly that Leah is young. I am reminding you again today, Matt remember Leah is young.

I can see the Lord's hand in bringing these two together. Matt started working the same place as me just a few days before me. He spent ALL of last summer with a crush on Leah, but couldn't quite work up the courage to speak to her. The girls at work kept telling him to forget it, Leah was too young for him. But that didn't keep Matt from his crush. He would stare everytime Leah came into the store. Finally she got where she would show off a bit just because she knew he liked her and she wanted to be mean.

The Lord planned an intervention. He had my car break down. I needed a ride to work, a phone call was made and Matt was sent to get me. Matt moved so he was attending the same singles ward as my kids, the kids needed a ride, Matt offered, he mentioned something to Leah about hanging out, he said he didn't have her number and she said it was ok and gave it to him.

Those first dates were rough. Leah said it was strange. Matt wouldn't really talk to her much, but he did talk about when they got married. Leah kept saying she really didn't want to go out with him again and I kept telling her to be patient he really was a nice guy.

The Lord had another intervention. At the end of September Leah had her wisdom teeth out. Matt came that first day with every soft thing he could think of. He sat on our couch for days while Leah felt terrible (and was being given Tylenol PM by her mother who didn't figure that out for two days, thank you very much)!!! Leah was so sick from those teeth coming out that it took about two weeks for her to recover. There were evenings Matt tried to take her out, but she felt so bad that they would have to come home to sit on our couch. Not once did Matt complain. He sat watching Leah with kindness and probably the first inkling of love.

Pretty quickly they talked marriage. Leah's only request was that she wanted to be married May 2, my baptism anniversary. That had been her lifelong dream. So by late October the question was asked, plans were begun, a ring bought and a date set.

Matt had asked Leah towards the beginning of October if she would go to Tennessee with him for Thanksgiving to meet his family. Leah was scared. At that point things were in that strange place where you know where it is headed, but you don't know for certain that you want to go there. So off they went for Thanksgiving in Tennessee. It wasn't a great trip. Matt has a sister-in-law who likes to cause trouble, so she did. Feelings were hurt, mean things said, and just general dislike of each other taken.

By the time they came back from that trip Steffen's condition had changed. He was in a downward spiral, which we now know was his last month. So as life ending things took over our lives, Matt was Leah's one constant. He came everyday right after work, spent many evenings in our home instead of being out really dating his girl. He ran errands, picked up kids, helped with dishes, let the dogs drive him to distraction and just tolerated the chaos which was our life.

During Steffen's last two weeks or so Matt even slept on our couch, taking his turn with getting up with Steffen during the night. He never once said a word about doing any of those things. Every time he was told "thank you" he replied "your welcome" and I knew he meant it.

By the time Steffen was gone Matt had become a part of "us", our family, a son, a brother, someone we were glad to have be a part of things. I hope he knew then that we loved him, were glad for him to be "ours" and grateful he loved Leah.

As the weeks were slowly winding down to May there were bumps along the way. Trying to discover who they were, who they wanted to be and where they wanted to go together. Tears were shed, love questioned, turning away and coming together again.

I teased them both a lot in those last few weeks that on their wedding day Matt would be crying his eyes out. He said he thought probably.....but he didn't cry, instead I don't think it would be possible for anyone to smile bigger or more. It was so obvious to everyone how much these kids love each other.

Now we are one summer through a new marriage. It has been difficult at best. Terrible things said, to each other, about each other, feelings hurt, things broken, a life completely turned on end. There has been talk of going forward or leaving it behind.

It is amazing how our Father works. He so carefully orchestrates things, sometimes we are smart enough to listen, sometimes we are so stupid we just look at it like "what?????" . Our Father brought Leah and Matthew to this place. He knows what great things they can do together. He expects a lot from them.

I have wondered about it all. I have listened, cried, prayed, stayed out, added my two cents, spent time worrying, spent time at peace. I have to admit that I am worried. For lots of things. Leah is young, Tennessee is a world away, funds don't allow for regular travel,the family which I wanted and loved is gone, the young man who is my "son" is no more. He has been replaced by someone I don't know, can't recognize and can't understand. It is killing me because I know what a good man he is, has been and has the potential of being. I hope he can find his way home to Leah.......but I hope in finding his way home Leah doesn't lose her way.

I feel like my heart is being ripped from me. I haven't felt this way since those early days after Steffen died. I am so grateful to live in modern times of Facebook, digital photos, e-mail, blogs, long distance service, and text messages. I cannot imagine sending my daughter off into the world knowing I would never see her again.

Yesterday a friend of mine told several things. She said that our families are our training ground. This is where we learn to become like God. She also told me that Steffen will be watching over Leah. He will keep her safe, let her know what she needs to do and that sometimes he will even let me know when she needs something. So my friend said for me to pray, attend the temple because those things will bring the greatest blessings to my family.

So I will do those things. But I want to tell Leah and Matt a few things too.......Go safely, I don't agree with this move, the timing is not great. I am worried for both of you. There are so many things you both have to deal with, be willing to deal with those things. GO TO CHURCH, pray, read your scriptures, take a step back to look at the person you are married to, look to find the reasons you married them, let go of the anger.

I know change is possible. The Atonement is a real thing, it gives us power to overcome the natural man. Use it. It is free. Our Father is ready and willing to help with whatever you need BUT YOU HAVE TO ASK. Seek Him. Please know that even though I have been angry, hurt, frustrated by all of this, I do love you. Both of you. I can see good in your being together. Find the good. And remember in spite of it all you are still Idaho Ritchies. I love you.