This is exactly what I told David this morning. He replied, "everything in this house is 'hurry up'"!!!! I love that kid.
Ten months today. I didn't really think about it too much, but David did lastnight and then I felt stupid because I had forgotten the date. hard to believe we are nearly at the year mark. WOW!!! This time had flown by and I am wondering what we have been doing.
I have alot of things to share today. Alot of it is stuff I have debated about for a long time. Anna tends to just let her mouth open and whatever flies out is what she says. I have been like that at other times in my life, but have realized that keeping my opinions to myself is often the safer course. I also have hesitated because I don't really know who reads this and I haven't wanted details about certain things on display. But since I refuse to make this private I guess that risk is worth the telling. But life happens. Sometimes it is necessary to share and sometimes it is necessary to keep quiet. I think now is the sharing part.
There may be a place where you are mad....sorry if you are....that isn't my intention.
At the beginning of the summer I lost my job. I can't really tell you why because I don't really know for certain. I mean I know the reason they gave me, but I don't know the real reason. While initially I was shocked. But David gave me a blessing in which I was told it was a blessing for me not to be working for the people I had been and that it was time for me to not be there any longer. I held onto those words for a very long time.
Within a few weeks of that news Anna got sick. Her hypoglycemia was out of control most of the summer. So we battled trying to get her better or at least eating better, keeping track of sugars better, etc. Then Leah and Matt's troubles got worse. Leah began an extended leave of absence from school in June because she couldn't handle the stress from home and school.
As the summer wore on the kids and I had a good time. We spent days just being together, helping each other, trying to figure things out. I did try to find work during some of that time but nothing ever came together and I just kept feeling that I needed to be home.
By August the feeling that I just needed to focus on my family intensified. I was home, taking care of my kids, doing exactly what I was suppose to. Although the summer was stressful it was important that I be there.
When Leah and Matt left for Memphis it was one of the hardest things. They were having a lot of trouble. Leah had been counseled not to go, but felt she needed to try anything she could to make things work, better, improve, etc. While we totally disagreed with her decision we knew none of us could talk her out of anything.
David's opportunities with Special Olympics came. It has been so cool to be able to be with him, help him and watch him soar. He loves competing, plus being with his friends. Nathan decided to come home. It was necessary to go to KC and see our families there. We hadn't been there for two years. Grandparents are getting old, we needed to enjoy them, they needed to see us.
I have reached a point where I just haven't worried too much about work. We have managed to get through these months, I have been doing what I was suppose to and honestly have enjoyed being with my kids. But then Heaven decided to throw an even larger curveball than I could have guessed.
As we drove home from KC the kids were sleeping. I was just driving, letting my mind wonder. Nothing to important on my mind. I heard this voice that said, "go to beauty school". I was like no, the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Then again, "go to beauty school". Again, no that is stupid. But the feeling wouldn't leave, in fact, it got stronger.
When the kids woke up we talked a lot about it. Anna immeadiately said "yep, do it", Nathan thought about it for a minute and said "yeah, good idea", David didn't care. So we spent a lot of time on that drive home talking about it, what it would mean to our family, the long term, the short term.
I went to talk to a friend of mine. She told me that I certainly had nothing to lose. She asked if this was something I was even sort of interested in. I told her NO!!!! No one thinks Dawn, beauty school......yeah I can see that. So I called the school. I had to have my high school diploma, photos, copy of my driver's license and my deposit. I asked about my diploma severa times. I was a little worried about finding it.
So one morning I said my prayers, told Heavenly Father that if He really wanted me to go to beauty school He was going to have to help me find that diploma. Nathan and I went to the closet. It is one of those closets where EVERYTHING is jammed packed, you hope nothing flies out at you when you open the door. The entire time I looked through boxes I was saying outloud, "you want me to go you gotta help me find my diploma, I have NO idea where it is." In the bottom of the last box under a bunch of junk was my diploma.
I went yesterday to go over all the stuff. I start beauty school in about ten days or so. I have no idea why, I have no idea if I will like it or what will happen. BUT I do know that this is exactly what Heavenly Father wants me to do. Stupid, yes, weird, oh yeah, but doable, most certainly.
Nathan met with our bishop last week. Our stake president REFUSES to let Nathan serve a mission. He feels that Nathan's job is to take care of me. Nathan is hurt, but realizes that there is nothing more he can do. Our bishop told Nathan that when our extended family was here for Steffen's funeral he told someone that Nathan would not be allowed to serve a mission. I don't know why anyone felt our family members needed to know not us. So Nathan is going to start junior college in January. He hasn't quite figured out what he wants to study. I think that's ok, he just needs to start moving in some sort of direction.
Leah finds herself in a troubled situation. She is coming home for Thanksgiving. It will be good to have her here. I don't know what will happen. I pray a lot, go to the temple every week and hope that somehow she can find her way. I keep thinking I want her to be five again. But no such luck.......so all I can do is be here when she needs me.
David is so looking forward to his trip. Just ten days or so. Anna is buried with tons of homework. The joys of being in high school!!!!
I have to admit these last months have been hard. But in them I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned that it is all right to depend on Heavenly Father. He wants me to and I need to. He has carried me when I have been certain I couldn't carry myself. I have learned/am learning that prayer is the one thing that I have which is mine. I can tell Heavenly Father exactly what's on my mind; guess what??? He isn't judging me. He knows my heart. I have also learned that the temple is the best place to be. I go every week. I find peace there. I try to spend time really listening for answers. I am also finding answers from scriptures. I have been trying to read regularly. I wish I had taken things more seriously at other times in my life. But I know the things which are happening within my life are the results of Steffen's death. He is nudging me forward. He knows better now what is important and what we need to be doing. I am grateful he is helping us.
I will run. This is much too long. Happy Friday!!!! I hope the weekend is perfect for you.
P.S. I totally forgot. I applied for a job with a company I REALLY wanted to work for. They were waiting for an opening. I hadn't heard from them for about two months or so. This week they called to ask me to come in for an interview!!! The hardest thing about any of this was trying to decide if I should still go to school or just work. Anna kept telling me to look at which will help us in the long run. I called the company to tell them I wouldn't be able to take a job with them.......
No comments:
Post a Comment