Wishes and Joys

I don't know exactly what's going on with late nights.  Maybe I spend the entire day churning words over in my mind, then when it is late they have finally formed and are ready to be written.  Who knows?? Not me, that's for sure.

As I was thinking about it today I thought about the word "wish".  In my world it is a word I use often.  I wish I was younger, prettier, skinny, smarter, richer, finished with school, a better mother, a better friend, able to do what I want when I want.  I don't think any amount of wishing will ever make any of those things come true.   So I have decided I need to rethink the wording. 

Maybe instead of wishing I need to want to be prettier, skinny, smarter, richer, finished with school, a better mother, a better friend, able to do a few of the things I want.  I guess even really wanting them isn't going to make any of those things happen either.  Maybe I should work hard to be those things.  I have a lot of room for improvement.  Sometimes it is hard to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see there.

Several days ago I was talking with a friend of mine about "joy".  What brings you joy?  There was no response.  I was given an answer that there was little experience with it so really there was uncertainty as to what I was looking for.

I wasn't really looking for anything, except tell me what brings you joy.  After I thought about it for some time I realized that I had to spend a little time really thinking about what brings me joy.  I did think of a few things, so here's my list.  Feel free to think of your own.

My children
Sunshine
Sunrise
Sunset
Newborn kittens
Flowers
Fresh cut grass
Mountains
The midwestern landscape
My dad's house
Trees
Green grass
The quiet of the house when I am alone
Country music
Hearing the voice of a friend
Holding hands
Reading a good book
Friends
Finally figuring out how to do something which is hard
Watching my children figure out themselves
Being a mother
A newborn baby
Harvest time
High school football
The sound of bagpipes
Stars
Coming to the end of a long journey
Going home
An answered prayer

These are in no particular order.  Just as they came to my mind.  I sometimes focus on what's bad in my life and feel depressed when things aren't going the way I believe they should.  When really I need to be focusing on what's going good in my life.  

I realize that life is hard for everyone.  We all have things we are dealing with.  Good, bad, sad, wonderful, frustrating, joyful, etc.  It is not just in my life, but in the lives of every person I know and even those I don't.
In my own life I want what I want.  I was talking with a friend yesterday and telling her that what I want and how I want it no matter whether it's right or wrong for me.  I just want things to be the way I want them.  She laughed, telling me we are all like that to a certain degree.  But often what we think is good for us isn't really so we have to be patient and let things go the way they should.  DAMN!!!

Life moves on.  We are doing well.  Nathan leaves next week.  He is looking forward to going.  The guy he's going with is a good kid and has been to Alaska for three or four summers working.  David got his five year plaque from Walmart last week.  At the end of this month he will celebrate five years there.  Anna is going to the Manti pageant with the ward this weekend and Leah is trying to navigate the waters of being single.  Me???  Well, I'm doing ok.  Just trying to navigate the waters of the unknown and wishing I knew what they held.  There's that word again, wish, maybe I just need to not worry and let the chips fall where they may.   Easier said than done.


PS: jorgelisa: No I did not see the rainbow.  It would have made me smile too.  :)


I found this after I finished writing that's why its at the very end.

"When you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity, happiness.......all the good things."

Maya Angelou